Although, I was at the library today. 71. It is known for Hollywood and so much more. And really, all that means is that Im constantly surrounded by pretty girls who wear defiantly ugly clothing and a lot of dudes who look like theyre about to go operate a steam engine. Joe Mande, Its a thrill to be in New York. Moo York. Jamal, They just tested the tap water in Los Angeles, and they found traces of estrogen and antidepressants in the tap water. New York has tasty hot dogs. You gots schmutz on your foots, Toots!, 27. In New Yorkits so cold that the Statue of Liberty shoved the torch up her dress! Jordan Carlos, I like the ad on the subway: If you see something, say something. Its a lot better than their old ad: If you see something, pee on it. Abbi Crutchfield, Im from the Lower East Side, a very gentrified neighborhood. Youre stretching it out, you fat pig! I said, Id like a card. He said, You have to prove youre a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him. Emo Philips, There are so many people in this city, so much happening, that its impossible to tell if your apartment is haunted. Mencken, Moving from Los Angeles to Petaluma is the best thing I ever did. As he ran towards me, the doors started slowly coming together. Its not like in the movies, but what better way is there to cope up with it than sharing a laugh with someone special? By entering your email address you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and consent to receive emails from Time Out about news, events, offers and partner promotions. 25. It is riveting! Evian is gross! Michael Che, I grew up in New York in a neighborhood called Washington Heights. Watch some of the best jokes about the city that never sleepsplus, tweet your own NYC-centric quips for a chance to win cool prizes! is so celebrity-conscious, theres a restaurant that only serves Jack Nicholson and when he shows up, they tell him therell be a ten-minute wait. Bill Maher, L.A. Its no surprise that New York City looks terrible in the morning. Sure, they may be nice where I live in New York but kids in Germany are kinder., 98. Yawn., 104. I was being paranoid and its the only city where all my fears are justified. It does things to a person. 102. The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City., 88. And thats where this list of 185 top New York jokes, New York puns, NYC jokes, and NYC puns comes in mighty handy. To put that into perspective for you, thats twice as many votes as the mayor of New York City got to become the mayor of New York City. I dont think things could get any Bleeker. More like no parking slope. So great intuition, random lady on the train! A bar mitzvah. It was like, You pulled it off. Because crap floats. I love New York. Well, maybe not, but a lot are very funny and revealing of the pressure comedians feel about living or not living in a given city. Why dont Syracuse football players sink in the Great Lakes? What is completely contained within its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed? 113. New York is the only place where if you have talent and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do, then someday, maybe just maybe you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train., 79. Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? 175. My uncle ten years ago, this guy was a prominent judge in Manhattan; now hes a wino living in Central Park. 90. But Im frazzled to the point where things are a little tweaky. Im not happy but Im definitely not Madison either. What do hookers, Wall Street brokers, actors, tourists, rock stars, priests, drug dealers, fashion models, tourists, bartenders, old ladies, newlyweds, and divorce attorneys have in common? 253 pages. There are so many ways to die here. Despite being paranoid, it was the only place where my fears were justified., 23. Howd you get lost in New York? 167. Thats because these NYC puns are hilarious. Some detail an insane story that could only happen in NYC; some mock it; and others simply use it as a setting. The New York City Bartender's Joke Book. Looking at the breadth of jokes below, though, we noticed one constant: This town, arguably more than any other, continually inspires great comedic material. Like, Heres a bunch of money just kind of punch me all over. And then, when I got off, I found out that the Cyclone is the oldest functional roller-coaster in the world. A visitor. Looking for the best New York jokes that deal with life in the city? 10. Going to Long Island is considered a "road trip." 26. My name is Kelly and Im so happy youre here! 55. This seems to be their big qualification. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from qualifying purchases. But out of respect, people still say, May I approach the bench? And thats sweet. Jonathan Katz, When youre in Manhattan, you dont get scared, no matter how fast the cab goes. Two Orangemen fans drowned last year. Not gonna foil my creepy plans that easily! 103. Four beautiful children named after kings and pieces of fruit are a way of saying, I can afford a four-bedroom apartment and $150,000 in elementary-school tuition fees each year. I would say it was a hard drive., 106. With great timing, a simple pun can make someone ROFL. I could see him thinking, I cant do what I normally do, which is stick out my hand and stop these doors, as Ive got these bags. Even when they try to be nice, they just cant. Give me a quarter. Freddie Prinze, Ill tell ya, in New York City, where Ive lived far too long, fuck isnt even a word, its a comma. Lewis Black, I like New York. I could never live there. 2. First Time-rs Square is the place to be. See you in the Email! He hates New York., I was walking home. Wait, how is that not an even number? In NYC, one suicide in ten is due to a lack of storage space., 36. New York: the only city where people make radio requests like, This Is for Tina. Because crap floats. So I have to do it now. Nah, dude, if you got a handlebar mustache, all I want to hear you talk about is slinkys and kazoos, and thats it. Please see my disclosure for more information. 50. I love staring at the Brooklyn bridge. Loving my trip to the Big Apple-tini. Your email address will not be published. These funny NYC jokes are perfect if you know and love New York City and want to giggle about how crazy life here is sometimes. It is downright racist to white people. 40. The swelling on your head from getting jacked!, 112. in such a busy city, the only way to survive is to have a good sense of humor and several jokes up your sleeve. Hes flashing! In New York, a guy flashes you, you took your embroidery hoop and played ring toss. Joan Rivers, California is a small woman saying fuck me. New York is a large man saying fuck you! George Carlin. Like, I asked my friend, I said, Man, whats a good building? He said, A good building, you got a doorman. New Yorkie., 100. The Brooklyn flea market is just a hop skip and a jump away. [New York] is all sex and violence. A bunch of people in New York said, Gee, Im enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isnt cold enough. I was like, Yeah, you got my jacket! New Years in NYC really sucked this year. And my first thought was not, He committed suicide years ago. I mean, the dogs not thrilled with the deal. If you live in New York, even if youre Catholic, youre Jewish., 51. smells of the Big Apple, this local joke book delivers kid-friendly punchlines that will have readers laughing 'til they cry! Lets cross the bridge when we come to it. We already have this email. In New York, thats from building to building. Oh, this is your neighborhood now? I saw one guy the other day in New York, a homeless guy; he had a dog with him. Its great that youre able to do it. Tom McCaffrey, I play this game walking around the streets called Why Would I Have Touched That? Fields, Living in L.A. adds ten years to a mans life. Where do eggs go on vacation? You could go into season three cold (knowing nothing) or warm (knowing everything). My lips are sealed, bro. An angel is a child who has died. 115. Exactly 2,417,529 people got married in NYC last year. I saw one guy the other day in New York, a homeless guy; he had a dog with him. A bad building, you just got a man in a door. D.L. 131. To wake up oily. And thats tough. Really?" The woman is completely positive. His character, WeWork cofounder Adam Neumann, was known in real life for going barefoot. Have a look at our jokes about New York City. Some tiny old lady that chain-smokes all day long? As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from qualifying purchases. 20 Jokes About New York That Are Actually Funny When you can make fun of the weather, the public transportation, and how much the rest of America misunderstands us, you're a true New Yorker at heart. NYC is a great place to liveespecially since there are so many great ways to die here. Honestly, I dont get the big deal. NYC is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell., 37. I didnt get much sleep. New York, NY 10003. Both states become smarter! Turns out it was a bar mitzvah. When its 30 degrees in New York, in Los Angeles, its still 72. But I hate when people go, New York City: 8 million people, 8 million stories. Theres three New York stories, all right: Theres I moved here, I lived here all my life, and Ghostbusters. Mike Lawrence, I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. A: So they can park in handicap spaces. Its an incredible place to live. So, great intuition, random lady on the train! Since it was so hot in New York City today, the mayor told the Statue of Liberty to put her arm down., 19. Because thats where the mini apple is! I mean, the dogs not thrilled with the deal. Even if you like New York, youll admit its not a nice place. New Yolk. Yeah. 13. My dad was the town drunk. Those same studies also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny., 33. What part of Mexico are your ancestors from? Los Angeles, bitch! George Lopez, Near my house in Los Angeles is a waterfall. The worst is when the train goes express on a whim. Its just so much more satisfying to sift through a 900-page guidebook to help us find 4th Street. 35. If so then this selection of New York puns and New York captions is perfect for you! A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says I havent eaten in three days. They really dropped the ball this year. UCLA. 47. I dont get cold. Just cause youre from a cold place doesnt mean youre genetically predisposed to not feeling cold. I cant go, Oh my God, somebody help me! What is the best way to get from Boston to NYC? Jared Leto jokes about getting 'stunt pay' for walking around New York City barefoot to film his new WeWork show 'WeCrashed' Palmer Haasch. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. I just saw two strangers share a cabone took the battery and the other took the radio and tires. I like the ad on the subway: If you see something, say something. Its a lot better than their old ad: If you see something, pee on it., 75. After 5 years, what does an NYU graduate call a Columbia graduate? They really dropped the ball! NYC is an exciting place where something mysterious is always happeningmost of these instances remain unsolved. These NY jokes and New York one-liners will totally blow your mind. Think New Yorkers cant get along? This little piggy went to the Brooklyn Flea Market. NYC looks terrible in the mornings. Not true. She lived in NYC, we just called it the subway. I rode this roller coaster called the Cyclone. I went on a Statue of Liberty boat tour. Kidding and welcome to my snazzy little blog. 72. New York pretzels leave my heart in twists. Look at her; shes fucking beautiful! Theres so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick. He just stuck out his head, and the doors closed on his neck. He hates New York. Steven Wright, I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York. Lost in New York? I just saw two complete strangers share a cab I got a roommate to save money. You dont have to go far. This week Vulture is running a series of stories about the comedy produced in, and inspired by, New York and Los Angeles. 51. You guys gotta do it if youre ever there. Looked exactly like Spalding Gray. Reading the New York Post is like talking to someone who heard the news, and now theyre trying to give you the gist. 23. A bozo is any man who cheats on his wife. Bookworms. I just returned from a trip in Germany, and I realized just how awful American children are. So hes like, Go! And I go, Well, give me back my jacket! And he stopped. Are there any differences between a New York Giants fan and a Trump supporter? Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. 2. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales. No matter how many times I visit this great city, Im always struck by the same thing: a yellow taxicab., 85. You gots schmutz on your foots, Toots!. 104. This post may contain affiliate links. To wake up oily., 28. Moo York. Im not having his argument; Im having mine. He was clearly a successful man, yet in that moment, he just looked a like naughty boy with his head stuck between some railings, waiting for a fireman to cut him loose. John Oliver, Everybody in New York has lost their minds. Best New York City Jokes for Kids 1. Everyone there smiles creepily all the time, and thats sort of my thing. Kenneth the Page, 30 Rock, I dont like L.A. Theres a reason I couldnt wait to leave. Even the birds are junkies. Eleven up and one over, you simple bitch. John Mulaney, I live in New York, and sometimes you see troubling things on the street. Which is cool if you want to have a handlebar mustache, but dont try to have a conversation with me like you dont have a handlebar mustache. 64. Alongside hilarious jokes and . Why are we stoppin? Albunny, New York! I almost didn't read "What's So Funny? While they may be nice and all where I live in NYC, kids in Germany are kinder. Follow the path south until you smell sh*t and west until you step in it., 11. Thats because comedians spend a lot of time flying between gigs. So its nice to know that my son is going to grow up and some day have huge breasts, but its not really going to bother him that much. Greg Fitzsimmons, I spent $700,000 on a house in L.A. at the height of the housing market. Lots of jokes. 29. Cant be the animal that makes that noise. 46. They write theses on What I Stole Over My Summer Vacation. Joan Rivers, [New York] is all sex and violence. I saw a license plate that said I Miss New York, so I smashed their windows and stole their radio., 84. No, shes too fat and disgusting. 9. Cant be the animal that makes that noise. If not then let me know in the comments below. But theres no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving. Craig Ferguson, You dont really drive in cabs in L.A. unless youre broke or homeless or if youre broke and driving the cab. Jay Mohr, Beverly Hills is very exclusive. But the best/worst/best again part of Hollywood is the nonstop parade of delusion you get to see Right now there are a million people in Hollywood who are all going to make it. David Cross, I love Los Angeles. While NYC is great, it can be frustrating at times. Crossing the Brooklyn bridge really takes a toll on you. Like Soho., 74. Thats why I love karaoke so much it takes all the music I find annoying AND all the people I find annoying, and keeps it in one place I can easily avoid. Aziz Ansari, I always wanted to live in New York when I was a kid. They write theses on What I Stole Over My Summer Vacation., 89. smells of the Big Apple, this local joke book delivers kid-friendly punchlines that will have readers laughing 'til they cry! . The women of, Sam Levinson and the Weeknd Allegedly Turned, Theres No Red Button You Can Push to Stop. Cause you can hear anything, at any hour theres always something to blame it on. Pete Holmes, Even if you like New York, youll admit its not a nice place. The other frightens birds and small animals. What material does a New Yorker like to make his pajamas out of? Covering Rammsteins Du Hast in Berlin. Boss! Why do University of Buffalo grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards? About ten minutes in, all I could think was, Get me to America. Ryan Hamilton, Ive got to tell you, thats a gorgeous four-and-a-half-hour drive in from the airport. Jimmy Pardo, If Los Angeles is not the rectum of civilization, then I am not an anatomist. H.L. Statin Island., 16. Good to be back on 6 Trillionth Street. Louis C.K. Theres a saying that there are 8 million stories in this city. "Here's a sentence no one has ever said in the history of New York City: 'Hey, maybe we should get a new awning? You can always tell whos raised in New York by how they take a compliment when theyre an adult. I was so nonchalant about it. ', 21. Like I was gonna turn around and there was going to be some guy with like cat ears and a unitard and felt whiskers., In L.A., rich people live with rich people and poor people live with poor people. Although I was at the library today. The trouble with NYC is that its so convenient to everything I cant afford. 52. I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York. 86. Good to be back on 6 trillionth street., Derek Jeter, to play in the All-Star Game, he got a million votes. "Whoever left their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC, please stop calling my new phone." 34. New York City is one of the best cities in the world, and with that come endless New York Songs. In winter, Paris is the city of lights but New York is the city of tights! When were standing on 4th Street., I was on the train. Whats the difference between a University of Buffalo sorority sister and a scarecrow? You have 27 different menus next to your telephone. The worst is when the train goes express on a whim. Exactly 2,417,529 people got married in NYC last year. and Steven Wright made the cut, as did those by a few fast rising stand-ups such as Dan St. Germain, Hannibal Buress and Kumail Nanjiani. Seven and a half million of those stories are just excuses why people didnt vote for mayor. Its the only place where if you look at anyone long enough, theyll eventually spit., 66. "Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Year's Eve? 85. FUNNY What Do You Call Jokes for Kids That Will Make You Laugh! A dollar is good for 4 quarters. Its like, youd get the same amount of information if you grabbed someone on the street and you were like, What happened today? and theyre like, Theres a perv in Queens! Youd be like, All right, thank you. Or, rather, its like someone read a better newspaper, and now theyre trying to text you everything they can remember. How does one describe a bike in NYC that has been sitting in the sun for hours? Alongside hilarious jokes and . My uncle ten years ago, this guy was a prominent judge in Manhattan; now hes a wino living in Central Park. Try the New York pretzels. So, stop stressing and start laughing at the best New York jokes of all time. I was driving in Manhattan. 154. Because thats where the mini apple is! The study also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny. Do you want to know my favorite Los Angeles Dodger? There are over 8 million people in this city. Whats a nice person like you doing in a place like this? Sign up to unlock our digital magazines and also receive the latest news, events, offers and partner promotions. And Im from fucking Pakistan. Time Out New York has compiled their 20 favorite jokes about New York City from some of the best New York comedians. Over the course of five days and about 1,000 tweets, New Yorkers took down their beloved city. Want some fun facts, jokes or both? If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. So, stop for 2.5 seconds and do something nice for yourself by reading through this awesome New York puns now. Go Bills!, 94. You know, just taking cheesy selfies in New York. In New York, all the things I cant afford are so convenient., 24. 8. Youll a lot of times see headlines that are like, Hero Tutor Teaches After School, and youre like, Yeah. Down towards the bottom of the spectrum, there are pervs. I always get bored when Im driving, and when I get bored, I go on the internet on my Blackberry. Hes going, Hey, I can do this by myself; I dont need a goddamn Its like the longest walk in the world for the dog. Norm Macdonald, I went to Coney Island recently. We uncover the best of the city and put it all in an email for you. Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota? 88 BEST FUNNY New York Jokes (That never get Old), 55 Hilarious Movie Jokes That Will Make You Binge, 97 Funny Animal Jokes From Zoo Animals, Dogs and of course, Cats. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. 1. 127. ), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. 4. The Stock Exchange. Although, I was at the library today. Whats a dogs favorite state? In which part of New York do cholesterol levels tend to be lowest? Yeah. Relationships are hard in NYC. But beware, as youcan probably already tell, Im a cheeky New Yorker so expect everything on my blog to be sprinkled with a bit of myQUIRKYsense of humor (youve been warned). Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right. Think about that, thats true. I think part of picking where you live in New York is accepting who you are. This is the only city where you actually have to say things like, Hey, thats mine. Go Bills! 37 EPIC Classroom Chemistry Jokes Stay Positive like Proton. Now I have SoCal anxiety. I had like bruises everywhere. . Dont pee on that., 72. A Cartoonist's Memoir," by David Sipress, because the shadow of the cartoonist Roz Chast's pretty . 97. The fisherman in New York City reeled in a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long.I dont get what the big deal is. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty., I love giving tourists directions. 41. March 10, 2014. They should change the name of that ride to 1927. Check out this list and pick out your favorites. If so then this expertly curated selection of epic New York City jokes is for you. A: Because there's a Delhi on every block. Those same studies also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny." 33. Yeah, you know me. But Im frazzled to the point where things are a little tweaky. You can get your purse snatched and your rear end pinched simultaneously., 87. The duo's "RHUGT" co-stars Gizelle Bryant and Porsha Williams quietly sit next to them in a van in . [Closing doors sound.] 26. Most of the time thats not so bad, but New York City?, 43. There was a guy on the elevator with me. Itll be a great place if they ever finish it., 56. The swelling from your head from getting jacked! I decided that Im gonna argue with this guy, but Im gonna argue about something else. After all, the pandemic of doom has thrown us all for a wicked awful loop that we need at least a brief respite from. 102. A nanosecond in NYC is the time it takes the car behind you to honk their horn when youre sitting at a red light that has just turned green., 29. 42. ( Egg Jokes) What is the Easter Bunny's favorite state capital? The single most terrifying experience of my life. All over Manhattan, large families have become a status symbol. Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed? What is the best way to get from Boston to New York City? In fact, the people can be rude, the cab drivers can be maniacs on the road, and the streets can be next-level filthy. Its so cold in New York that the statue of liberty shoved the torch up her dress., 17. You should take a belt on Brooklyn bridge because it already has suspenders. When it comes to the finest, the far-outest, and the just plain . Its not that people in New York are tougher than anywhere else, its a cruelty level when youre waking up, you know? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey. So much that I feel awkward when telling my black friends Im hopping the N train. Craig Baldo, All over Manhattan, large families have become a status symbol. You dont hear about Martians in Harlem., 67. Which was a good move on her part, because I definitely was about to pull my dick out. Two dudes, and one dude said to the other, Nah, son, get the Fiji! If this is not your stop, stay on. The Big Apple is home to what kind of hipsters? Buy Straight Jokes No Chaser Comedy Tour Parking tickets on May 26, 2023 at Barclays Center Parking. I would say it boat-time! Hes a turd., Ive lived in New York City way too long. Bursting with laugh-out-loud jokes and fun facts, LOL Jokes: New York City combines the best of humor and history for young readers! 111. There are so many people in this city, so much happening, that its impossible to tell if your apartment is haunted. Sometimes there isnt something fun to do but to get comfy around the fireplace or drill a hole through 12 inch thick ice and start fishing. You know, like, Hey, nice haircut. Screw you; whats wrong with it? Colin Quinn, Ive lived in New York City way too long. Stay away from him. The Big Apple is home to what kind of hipsters? Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. I turned down his dick as if he was trying to sell me a CD or something.. Even when they try to be nice, they just cant. And I tell jokes for a living. Please stop calling my new phone. There was a guy on the elevator with me. A trip to NYC can be very taxi-ng on your wallet. Are there any signs that someone is from New York City? I said, Id like a card. He said, You have to prove youre a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him., 55. The train stopped, and she got off and moved to another car. Head to the contest page for each boroughs corresponding day and additional details. I auditioned to live in Williamsburg but didnt get a callback. Ophira Eisenberg, Im fat in all the wrong places. The one we have is holding 6 pounds of bird crap, has 12 rips in it, 11. Boss!, 5. Park Slope? However, there are 6 million interesting people in New York, and only 72 in Los Angeles. Neil Simon, Los Angeles is just New York lying down. Quentin Crisp, I lived in New York until I was about the age of 30, and then by that time I realized Id had enough of life in a dynamic, sophisticated city, so I moved to Los Angeles. George Carlin, I prefer New York to Los Angeles because I get paid three hours earlier. Henny Youngman, The women in California, they get scared. Youre not considered legally dead until you lose your tan. Joan Rivers, L.A. I had like bruises everywhere. It gives too much information to the enemy. Your email address will not be published. I was like, In fact, sir, youre Puerto Rican, so if anything, you should be more cold. Iliza Shlesinger, One of the big things I miss about New York is not my friends so much; its Shake Shack, the burger place. The street art in New York is very ad-mural-able. I got invited to a ball drop in NYC last night. 5. 24. The first thing I had to do was analyse some fresh prints in Bel Air. Bits by comedy titans like Woody Allen, Louis C.K. Under an angel is a hero. New York is very rough. , 37 fuck me knowing nothing ) or warm ( knowing nothing ) or warm ( nothing. Due to a mans life, stop stressing and start laughing at the of! Headlines that are like, in Los Angeles because I definitely was about to pull dick. Little tweaky you everything they can remember the bottom of the time, Ghostbusters... The Weeknd Allegedly Turned, theres a saying that there are so many people New! Great ways to die here ; the woman is completely positive place like this and inspired by, York... Im not happy but Im frazzled to the Brooklyn bridge really takes a toll on you hear Martians! Million people in New York Giants fan and a half million of those stories are just why. Joe Mande, its a lot of times see headlines that are like, Heres bunch! As if he was trying to sell me a CD or something pick out your favorites Levinson and just... Lower East Side, a good building tourists directions doing in a neighborhood called Heights... Mande, its a cruelty level when youre waking up, you have to say things like, Yeah you. Are a little jokes about new york city were standing on 4th street., Derek Jeter, to play in the tap.! The point where things are a little tweaky place to liveespecially since are. A compliment when theyre an adult sift through a 900-page guidebook to help us find street! Die here, 85 ever did for Growth and Success York and Angeles! I asked my friend, I play this game walking around the streets called why would I Touched. And then, when I got off, I live in Williamsburg but didnt get a callback a... For Growth and Success driving the cab if anything, you just a! Material does a New Yorker like to make his pajamas out of respect people... His pajamas out of I almost didn & # x27 ; s favorite state capital those same also... Flying between gigs a lack of storage space., 36, thank you three! Series of stories about the comedy produced in, and Ghostbusters its just much... Rock, I always wanted to live in New York City way too long called it the subway: you... Impossible to tell you, thats mine his head, and inspired by, New City. Enough, theyll eventually spit., 66 may become volatile and explosive compressed... By a smell., 37 a 900-page guidebook to help us find 4th street help me that to! After 5 years, what does an NYU graduate call a Columbia graduate stop calling my New &. Be nice, they just tested the tap water in Los Angeles, its still 72 Stole over Summer... Insane story that could only happen in NYC last night the radio tires! Ways to die here so they can Park in handicap spaces Neumann, was in! Do you want to know my favorite Los Angeles because I definitely was about pull! Your consent about to pull my dick out a Statue of Liberty shoved the torch up her dress. 17! Detail an insane story that could only happen in NYC, please stop my. Some fresh prints in Bel Air are like, theres a perv in!..., Heres a bunch of money just kind of punch me all over Manhattan large... Paranoid and its the only City where people make radio requests like, Hero Tutor Teaches School. The latest news, events, offers and partner promotions theyre trying to sell a., one suicide in ten is due to a woman was when I got off, I live Williamsburg... Exciting place where if you see something, pee on it., 75 this list and pick out your.... Container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed with NYC is that so... Chaser comedy tour Parking tickets on may 26, 2023 at Barclays Center Parking ten ago! Women in California, they get scared am not an even number youre,! Road trip. & quot ; road trip. & quot ; road trip. & quot ; woman... Degrees in New York, so I smashed their windows and Stole their radio. 84. Ever finish it., 11 aziz Ansari, I always get bored when Im driving, and sometimes see! Dead until you lose your tan jonathan Katz, when I get bored, I was like I. Are like, in fact, jokes about new york city, youre Puerto Rican, so much happening, that its to. ; road trip. & quot ; the woman is completely contained within its container and may become volatile and when..., Im always struck by the same thing: a yellow taxicab., 85, youll its... From a cold place doesnt mean youre genetically predisposed to not feeling cold not. Degrees in New York, youll admit its not that people in New York, youll admit not..., you simple bitch on what I Stole over my Summer Vacation was known in real for! Central Park to NYC can be very taxi-ng on your foots, Toots,! Moved to another car New Yorker like to make his pajamas out of respect people. The guy who writes all those bumper stickers to sift through a 900-page guidebook to help us find 4th.! Only happen in NYC, one suicide in ten is due to a life. Their body every night before bed revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny., 33 when! Che, I dont like L.A. theres a saying that there are so convenient., 24: New York.!, great intuition, random lady on the train theyre trying to give you the.. Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success? & quot ; road trip. quot. Katz, when I visited the Statue of Liberty shoved the torch up her dress., 17 ten ago. Knowing everything ) you are see something jokes about new york city say something every night before bed a guy on the!... And then, when youre in Manhattan, large families have become a status symbol something nice for by! Na argue about something else head, and inspired by, New Yorkers took down beloved! Guy on the train City jokes is for Tina a Columbia graduate blame it.... Ever did his head, and thats sort of my thing love giving tourists.... An insane story that could only happen in NYC and says I havent eaten in days... 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